Transformation
Knowing ourselves to understand others
Are we aware that what bothers us in others is what we unknowingly have within us?
It is because we don't know ourselves that we cannot understand others. If we had understood who we are, we would already have understood who others are. It’s the exact opposite of what we might expect. And that is why transformation cannot occur. That is why listening is of the utmost importance; and when I say 'listening', I do not just mean hearing!
Everything that is strange to us, bothers us. The word 'strange' means 'different'.
In fact, Christ taught us to gather in groups to pray, because the group is the basis of life, it is the fundamental unit. It is what we should have discovered in our family unit: the group represents the family unit of the spirit.
Because we have not chosen the group, and we are not in a group of our friends, as soon as we get together we are faced with people who are 'strange' to us. But it is not their strangeness which is going to cause us not to understand. When we are intelligent, we generally stay alert to try to understand others. But we are appalled by the harshness of others, which seems overbearing and so obvious and glaring in them, yet this is what we have completely hidden within ourselves. We shouldn't see our faults as something terrible. Sometimes, what bothers us so much in others is so strong – it could be an expression, a look, a gesture, reactions during conversation – all these show us that we don`t know ourselves. We see faults in others but not in ourselves. So we don't know how others react to how we are.
It is because we don't know ourselves that we cannot understand others. If we had understood who we are, we would already have understood who others are. It is the exact opposite of what we might expect. And that is why transformation cannot occur. That is why listening is of the utmost importance; and when I say 'listening', I do not mean just hearing! Christ said: 'You hear but you do not listen.' That is why He says we are deaf and blind. We do see, in fact, but we are blinded by ourselves. We see the fault in others. Christ said: 'You see the speck in your neighbour's eye but you do not see the plank in your own eye.' Everything that concerns us is unclear, why? Because the prince of this world has made it so that we would be deaf and blind! It is precisely this friction between all the people within a group which will reveal to us, sometimes after years of work, that the same fear and often the faults of others are enlightening.
What creates anxiety in fact? What creates fear? What motivates us to judge, what brings us to frenzied, malicious gossip? It is to feel important to others, to feel loved and acknowledged. As we have nothing to say, we invent or instigate gossip, crises or divisions. So who is this person facing us and doing such things? They are their fears and anxieties, and these are hidden in us, yet they are still there. They are identical, although the outcome of these fears will not be the same in two people; there lies the whole difference. When we listen to others, we can understand the faults and their lies. Who does not lie to himself?
The metamorphosis, the transformation of a being passes precisely through all these phases of understanding. And I believe we must be very sensitive to all that touches our brothers and sisters, to all that touches us, in our sensitivity and vulnerability. There is nothing greater or more beautiful than the metamorphosis of a being! A small being in the womb of his mother, as yet unseen but we know he exists, hardly visible to the naked eye, we know that he is a thinking being, who acts, listens, records, organizes - it is quite extraordinary! How can a being of a few millimeters know all about life? But he does! Everything is already inscribed in him.
Because we do not know ourselves we find ourselves in front of such errors. We are there, watching, but we do not understand what is happening. And our life eludes us completely! We only realize who we are when faced with big events. But we don't have to wait for there to be big events for us to change!
God gives us autonomy, freedom and right to life at every twist and turn, at every second of our existence. But He gives them to us so that we may reflect, no longer with our head but with our heart.